The Man in Pink
by CocoLime
Summary: oneshot He is the Man in Pink. One of Soul Society's best captains, the self proclaimed sexiest man ever existed. A snapshot.


Cocoa in the house baby :D

Have some fun with Shunsui. I love this man (and hope you do too)

Oh. Before I get sued, I don't own this manga or related characters (it's _fan_fiction for a reason. It's even in the site name!)

So. Here we go.

* * *

He is the Man in Pink. One of Soul Society's best captains, the self-proclaimed sexiest man ever existed, the master of wind. He is...

Balanced precariously atop an abandoned shack in the middle of a swamp, a man slept in peace. Procrastinating, getting drunk, planning sake parties, escaping his draconian (and exquisite) fukutaichou...it was time for a well-deserved break. Until said draconian (and exquisite) fukutaichou showed up.

The Man in Pink lifted the rim of his hat to see the disgruntled woman before him. She was splattered with mud; her hair was in disarray, loosely held in place with a clip (swinging ominously and threatening to say hello to her toes). She fussed with it, trying to straighten it into its usual severe style. A stern glare was focused behind her glasses, directed at our Man in Pink.

"Nanao-chan, where have you been?" he asked easily.

"You know exactly where. Through this mess of a swamp, where you decide it's a good place to take a nap." Her glasses flashed in the light as she pushed them up her nose, annoyed.

"Nanao-chan, your shirt is dirty," remarked he. Indeed, there was a spectacular spread of mud on her chest, which formed a (fascinating) puddle on her cleavage. Which our Man's lecherous peepers were scrutinizing with interest. "If you want, I'll clean it up for you, just wipe off that mud, Nanao-chan. I am a man of chivalry, and I wouldn't want a lovely lady like yourself to dirty your hands cleaning up that mess on your shirt, Nanaaaao-chaaaan." He was up from his post, slouched in front of her. One hand twitched as it hovered centimeters away from her chest, and lips puckered in a pitiful attempt of sinless thoughtfulness (yet the eyes were bright, hopeful.)

_Snap. Out came her fan, catching him square on the nose. He gasped dramatically, then promptly slumped his back and turned away from her, muttering._

"Oh, how could my Nanao-chan be so cruel? Depriving her man of the love he deserves, after all he's done for her, no...My nose pains, _oh_, my heart pains too, for Nanao-chan's tender love, my body aches for her touch, my hands want to reach out and embrace her...oh, I long to..."

"Not another word," she cut in abruptly, not wanting to know what he longed to do. "You had a report due in today, and you haven't touched a single paper. Get to work."

"But Nanao-chan--" He slumped at her feet, stretched the length of his body, simpering to her ankles. "Please, Nanao-chan, there are extension dates for a reason!" He added a (achingly fake) sob.

"And when the extended date comes, assuming we get one, are you going to ask for an extension on an extension? I know you aren't going to do it anytime soon if we _do _get one. With all due respect, taichou, there is still daylight left today, and I think we should use it to go and finish what we can." The man let his face fall into the wet grass at her feet.

"But there are only _eleven_ hours of daylight left, so I think we should use it to ask for an extension date and do it tomorrow," came the muffled reply. A pause. Then he sat straight up, spluttering and spitting out copious amounts of mud, grass, and, well, spit. Mental note, do not speak in mud. Nanao backed away. She let him clear his mouth before speaking again.

"Taichou, if you can't get it done with today, I _will _call for an extension. But you should fill out as much as you can today. It has to get done some time, and better today then tomorrow." A groan.

"You're right, Nanao-chan." He got up, dusting himself off. She gave a small smile at her victory. Their reputation for turning in papers on time was untarnished for another day, not a single sheet late. That is, if today's workload was finished on time. But when her captain was serious, he was serious. No fooling around then. And that was how he was now. She wasn't sure, but she felt all his procrastinating was just an act - but she always felt rather proud of him when he got serious anyway.

"Now, how about a kissy for good behavior?" His lips were out and up, ready for a big one.

_Snap. _The Fan of the Mighty 8-bantai Ise Nanao-fukutaichou had come to reprimand again.

* * *

"Aah, done, finally!" The Man in Pink smiled happily at the finished - FINISHED - piles of reports. "You guys like being done with, don't you?" he asked them, still smiling. "You do, don't you, so then you won't bother me and have Nanao-chan come and make me fill you out, right?" He picked up a sheet of paper. "You look so beautiful, kami-chan, all filled out like that and out of the way, did I ever tell you?" He kissed it, and put it back where it belonged. Getting out of his chair, he scribbled an advertisement for someone to volunteer to take the papers to Yama-jii's on a scrap of paper and tacked it onto his front door.

(A/N - kami is paper)

He clambered out his window, leaving his door open so whichever nerdy loser volunteered didn't have to knock to come inside, then wait forever for an invitation to enter. "Ah, Rangiku-san," he murmured, "what a great night for drinking. How about we go and find a good bar...?" He headed toward the 10-bantai headquarters.

"Excuse me, Hitsugaya-taichou," he said (actually, very politely), knocking on the door. "May I enter? Thank you." He slid open the door and stepped in. Whitey sat in his desk drinking tea (an old man's pastime, mused our hero. Rather like Yama-jii - he even had white hair just like the geezer) and...just killing time. (_Exactly _like an old man, he thought, drawing more and more similarities by the second. Both were serious to a fault, acted like old men, captains of the Gotei 13, efficient, uglier than himself and worse with the ladies...of course, who wasn't?...)

"Kyouraku." The midget sat in his chair, his annoyed frown etched forever into his face.

"Yes, my dear little Hitsugaya-taichou?" The boy flicked a lazy finger at him.

"When you ask to enter, wait for an answer." He was unflinching ice. _Someone needs to get laid, _thought the Man wryly.

"Yes, anything for our cute little Hitsugaya-kun," smiled the Man with an oily, low bow.

_Thud._

"Aw, crap." He picked up his hat and gingerly replaced it on his head. "There you are, Jodie, there you are. Daddy won't let you fall off again, don't worry..." He patted his hat and muttered more soothings to it. He gave it one last pat and stood up. "Sorry, Hitsugaya-kun, I'm here for Rangiku-san. I must say, however, I'm surprised you haven't taken advantage of your absolutely _amazing _viewpoint to get a good look at her before you grow out of it. She's got those _gorgeous--"_

"I'm right here, ya know," came the slurred voice of Rangiku-san. "Jodie" Frisbee-ed across the room as her "daddy" whirled his head around.

"Ee-argh!!" He fell over backwards conveniently _on top _of Rangiku. "Goodness!" She flipped him over, but his head caught under her elbow and the next thing the poor woman knew...

"OH, HEAVEN!!" His jaw dropped open joyfully, sending trails of drool down on their course into Rangiku's robe.

"YOU SHAMELESS OLD GEISER!" Rangiku's fist crashed into his cheek - _pow! _- and tipped him over to the ground. _Clunk. _There he lay, in the same position as he had been in before; still twitching with his mouth open(and still salivating). She shot an almost motherly disapproving glare and swept out of the office. "Stupid perverse..." Once she was out of sight, the Pink Man on the Floor dropped his twitching limbs and sighed.

"What a woman." He clambered up to her couch and padded around, creating a nest with his pink picnic blanket. "Aah..." He snuggled in, preparing for a nap. A pen whirled to his head and _clink_-ed to the ground. "Ow." He rubbed his head. "What was that for?" he whined, his lower lip trembling.

"Get out of my office," ordered Hitsugaya in a voice simultaneously annoyed and bored. Pinky slumped and fell off the couch.

"H-Hitsugaya-taichouuuuu..." he moaned, in a quavering tremolo. "You-you...you're so _mee-ee-eean!" _What little Hitsugaya could see of the other's back was heaving with (once again, achingly fake) sobs. He watched with disgust.

"I said, get _out." _Our hero's fingers and toes lost their feeling. The windows frosted and he felt the growing pressure of Hitsugaya's reiatsu. He shuddered and began snail-crawling out of the room. A meek, "Yes, sir," and he inched out, kicking the door shut with his toe. He crawled along for about twenty meters, looking back every few seconds to make sure Hitsugaya wasn't coming out to get him, then stood up and walked along like nothing happened. About half of the whole 10-bantai was frozen (either by their captain's reiatsu or shock) and staring at him.

Kyouraku just strutted along the hall, ignoring the looks he got from other shinigami. It was just like nothing had happened. He pulled out a pair of sunglasses and slipped them on, shooting a look at some random, good-looking girl he saw. She giggled and blushed. He smiled and walked on, cool as a cucumber.

He is the Man in Pink. One of Soul Society's best captains, the self-proclaimed sexiest man ever existed, the master of wind. He is...Kyouraku Shunsui, The Man in Pink. Cool as a cucumber.

"Oh no...my baby...JODIIIIEEEEEEE!!!!!" He flew back to Hitsugaya's office.

THE END

* * *

Yay! Like it? Or not? I know this is totally random, but does anyone know who YUI is? If it helps, two of her songs were used for Bleach theme songs, Life and Rolling Star. But I think out of all of them, her best 3 would be Tokyo, Swing of Lie, and...well, I guess Rolling Star. Yay YUI. I've been in love with her music.

I have one last thing to say : Reviews make the world go 'round (hinthint)

Cocoa


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